During the past few years, I have become an emotional teenage mess. My mind has begun to feel like a melting pot of emotions, a tight circular bowl with my thoughts being the hundreds of marbles thrown in, circling around and around and around until they fall into a hole of oblivion. On the outside, this may not be obvious, but often times I am overwhelmed with the amount of information bouncing around inside my head. That being said, I’ve had trouble finding a space where I can be at peace of mind—after all, I can’t exactly run from myself.
A few years ago on a late summer evening, I was at home when my mother and I got into an argument—about what, I don’t recall. Though I remember being so fed up with her, bursting with anger, I stormed out of the house without much thought. And because I left so suddenly, I had nothing on me—no keys, no phone, just myself… and my thoughts.
I lived on the second floor of my apartment building, so I was able to quickly run down a flight of stairs and out the door into the humid summer atmosphere. It was cooler than it’d be in the day, and the sun was making its way toward the horizon. Still cooling off my anger, I made large strides away from my home.
Across from where I stood resided this paved path along this huge field—a “hydro field” occupied by large towers and electrical lines, as well as some soccer nets where teams of young children go to play in the warmer months.
Toward the direction of the field was a roaring sky bursting with colours, with reds and oranges and even some purples and blues. The sun stood boldly against a patch of blood-red sky, not a single cloud in sight. It was beautiful, and just like that, I felt my boiling anger sucked away, my attention being alluded by the infinity of the vibrant colours. It was as though the sky had a voice, and it was calling me by my name.
Every step a bounce, the only thought I had was to chase that glimmering ball in the sky. I ran up the swiveling path toward the direction of the setting sun. It met the horizon toward the west, which led me down a hill right by a park reservoir; a dam of sorts acting as a barrier between some quaint lands and a mini “lake,” the dam also playing as a bridge. Large electrical towers stood further ahead in the water.
I settled along the bridge, hoisting myself up the metal railing and sat comfortably, where my eyes took in the colours of the sky. Far ahead of me, A tall office building stood out with a bright red sign, with other small buildings in the distance. The reservoir stood at the intersection of two streets, where cars drove swiftly with their flashing lights. I could see all the traffic, yet amazingly, I heard none of it at all. It was far enough away.
I watched silently as buses and trucks passed along the orange sky, so many lives going by me that I will never meet. People who go through just as much as I do, yet none of it I may ever know. Realizing all of this made me feel so tiny, so insignificant—but not in a bad way. It was as though my existence was merely a grain of sand, a sailing cloud observing from up above, watching the tiny people move by. Life goes on. The Earth’s lullabies cradled me in its warmth.
I stuck to my spot along the railing as the sun tucked away for the evening and light faded from the sky. The night was just as beautiful. Stars twinkled against the navy blue, the sun’s sister offering just as much as her. City lights lit the sky. Whooshes of airplanes up above filled the air. I sat, observing anything and everything.
As I got home late that evening, I greeted my mother with a warm smile. She seemed to have taken her alone time well, too, as neither of us brought up the argument we had a mere few hours earlier. I didn’t want to fight—not at that moment, anyway. I plopped in my bed, daydreaming about the feeling of infinity I have just experienced.
While I don’t go toward that reservoir frequently, when I need a place to calm down and collect my thoughts, I find myself walking towards that direction, night or day. And every so often, I look up at the gorgeous looking sky and hear it calling my name. And I can never resist the chase.
ʚ sloom ɞ 